Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
