you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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