you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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