How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I want is dick and wine.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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