I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
