see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
