East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
