Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
