Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you never un-have a 4some
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
