If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
