Already got asked if we're dating
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
