Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
