Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She's JV to your varsity
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
