She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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