my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
