just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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