I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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