hell yes lets make some ravioli
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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