I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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