so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
