soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
