You can't motorboat a personality
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
