Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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