hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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