I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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