I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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