Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
