At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
