He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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