Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
