Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
