my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
