I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize