My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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