Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
