your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
