he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
