sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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