Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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