Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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