I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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