you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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