just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
