I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
