White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
