I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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