Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
