its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
