These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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