Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
worst night to have a conscience
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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