so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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