the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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