:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
