I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
