New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
