How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
