i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
