...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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