I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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