I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
