u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
