I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
