ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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