Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
did i just pee glitter
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
