my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
