He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
