Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
