no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
