The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
