Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
