Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
