There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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