I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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