the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
