my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
