mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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