Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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