Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
