mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
