i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
