we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
