he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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