Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
