whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
