she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
