therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
