God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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